Hemlock

[Teddy]

Where did you move from and when did you move to?

You are so wise to understand the impacts that your life makes on others. Your love for your family and friends supersedes anything else this brief life has to to offer you. I am so grateful to know a soul as righteous as you. I love you Teddy so very much.

I grew up in the Midwest of America, and then moved to New York City. My involvement with Zybez marked the first time I developed meaningful connections with people all over the world. I started to wonder about moving to the East Coast, which was initially met with disbelief from others. My immediate family (and those of my friends) has lived within our particular county for generations. But my resolve grew after I went to college and met a lot of people actually from there, and I further realized that my particular profession was best pursued in NYC. Finally, I suspected that it was more of a cultural fit anyway, so I pulled the trigger and made the move. Even when I was leaving the family car to go to the airport to fly away for good, I felt almost nothing...it just felt like going back to college for a bit.

I didn't even initially want to come back for Thanksgiving or Christmas, just because I wanted to save money (even though I was making more than enough). It wasn't until I headed back for the first time that it really hit me how rare these occasions would be if I did not make the effort. It surprised me because I'm a relatively emotionless person, but there were a couple instances where I admit I just cried by myself -- once in the shower when I was back home for the first time, and another time when my family left our vacation a day earlier than I did. I don't remember ever having done that otherwise in my life. I hate to relay a tired cliche about my emotions having been suppressed and bottled up for years, since I don't think that's totally accurate. But that thought definitely crossed my mind, and there might be some truth to it. I think you know what I mean.

Anyway, the first few years after that were quite difficult. On one hand, I loved New York City and knew I had made the right choice in at least the short term. But I missed everyone back home, and daydreamed of moving back after I had made my money. I figured there was no chance everyone else was going to uproot their lives to come live on the East Coast with me; it was up to me to get out. So when a new job opened up -- and I actually had the choice between their offices in NYC and the one near my hometown -- I was surprised that I had come to prefer living in NYC. I reflected that I would always tell my friends in NYC how much I missed my friends back home... but it wasn't until that moment that I started to really recognize the significance of that sentence. "I would always tell my friends in NYC." I realized that I had built a life for myself in NYC and that if I ended up "moving back," then I would just end up missing the life that I had built here, too.

The friends I make now will never be my childhood friends, and I will never have another brother or sister (unless something really crazy happens). But I recognize that it's much easier nowadays to keep in touch with the people you care about, yet you don't have to see somebody every day to have them matter in your life. Even a single phone call every once in a while can mean the world, and the time that gets spent together is almost more precious now because of how scarce it is. I believe I have struck a healthier balance now. I don't get overly emotional when I go back anymore. I just experience it in a more thoughtful and thankful way than I used to. And I'm still not in a race to get back, because I recognize I would be repeating the mistake of not caring enough about the people and experiences I've had here in NYC.

In the back of my mind, though, I do wonder: If I did live back home, would I recall the insights I had made into who and what matters? Or would I start to lapse back into the past of taking others there for granted like how I initially did in NYC? I don't let such fears rule my life; I stayed in NYC for affirmative reasons, and I love it here. But I certainly wonder whether it's a lesson that could be unlearned.

Anyway, I just wanted to repeat another passing statement in closing. I'm glad you're still around the community Hemlock. I always loved talking to you and getting to know you as well. It's wholly fitting that even as I type this message, I recognize that it is possible that this might even be the last time we ever communicate. Eventually one or both of us is likely to go our separate ways from the community. It wasn't until the old community shut down a couple months ago that I relearned that lesson of how important people can be.

You aren't my brother or one of my best friends back home or even one of the absolute closest friends I made on Zybez, but I wanted to take this opportunity to truly express my appreciation for you. It's been over a decade since we first crossed paths, but to this day, you and several other Zybez community members have made a lasting impact on my life. I want to emphasize and express that in a heartfelt and earnest matter. I am disappointed that I made this realization "too late" in some sense; chances are I will never see or talk to many of those memorable people again. But I am grateful to share the experiences with everyone who is still around. A time will one day come that is the last time. I will appreciate each time together with you until then.

-Teddy